Of all the things that I have felt or thought this week, denial is the best.  It means I am not in pain the whole time.  But it also means coming back to reality with a bump.

I had a long phone conversation with J** today.  It was nice, but also sad.  Because I keep expecting him to say that he’s made an awful mistake.  And he doesn’t say that.  He says that he feels very close to this “other person”.

I think you could call what he’s going through a mid-life crisis.  Just in that he wants to change his life.  And I sympathise with him.  I hate to say.  But at the same time I am distraught about the rejection an about my future being all messed up.  I’m despondent that he doesn’t think that it’s worth trying to fix the problems in our relationship.  And I’m sad that actually I thought our relationship was good, but he did not agree.  Although, it is hard to know which came first, the object of his affair or his dissatisfaction with what we had.

On the upside, I was miserable earlier today, but after meeting my lovely friend E**** for a couple of hours I felt hopeful again.  Great friends, I find, are rare as hens teeth.  But she’s a keeper!


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